


Glow Like a Glowstick

by Shane_for_Wax



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Gen, alluding to Shane/Jack but no actual shippy stuff going on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29356779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shane_for_Wax/pseuds/Shane_for_Wax
Summary: Shane has some 'down time' after a mission and starts thinking about the changes in her life and by extension her body after Project Lazarus
Kudos: 2





	Glow Like a Glowstick

She glowed. She fucking _glowed_. She had been so damn _busy_ (barely time to even breathe or get caught up on _anything_ that had happened in the years she’d been legally and technically _dead_ ), she hadn’t really noticed the glowing cracks in her skin slowly growing and becoming more obvious even in lighted conditions. Or the cybernetic glow to the eyes. Hazel eyes that now had a red glow, like some kind of nocturnal animal caught in a sudden flash of light just... all the time now. 

Oh, sure, Chakwas and Miranda both said if she’d just relax a little and let the skin knit together again the glow would dissipate. Sure, that should be _really easy_ after being brought back from the _fucking dead_ to save a galaxy that was increasingly seeming to say it didn’t _want_ to be saved. 

Multiple times she had to stop and literally bite her tongue. She wasn’t mad at _them_ , merely mad at yet another curveball aimed in her direction by _life_ (oh, the irony though). Honestly, how did they expect her to just calm down. There weren’t enough psychotherapeutic drugs in the galaxy to calm her down. What did it even matter anyways? The glow didn’t keep her up at night (just everything else burying her alive). Didn’t keep _anyone_ up at night because there was no one there to see it. (Maybe some day... perhaps... it was astounding how much in common she had with Jack and yet was still trying to dig through the wall the other biotic had up all the time. Not that she could blame her. Commonality. But still, out of anyone, it would be Jack that Shane would go for.) 

It helped, she supposed, when it came to negotiations (a thing she was technically trained on but had never had the patience for. Anderson had always said she could never survive behind a desk and he was right. Always had been right.), so long as the negotiations required fear. 

But, Shane Shepard honestly could not think of a time she had been perfectly at peace (except... dead...? Had she been at peace _then_?) and didn’t see it happening anytime soon. When things really required a more level head, it was easy to send Miranda to do it instead, sometimes Jacob. It just depended on the needs. 

She had to stay angry, would stay angry. Especially because she had lost the biotics (should she still call herself one?) when she had gained all the tech embedded in her skin. That, too, was something both Chakwas and Miranda insisted would fix itself. But when? When they were really needed? Because they weren’t really needed now? Hah. 

“Mother _fucker,”_ the snarl was low, the words a repeated sentiment since first waking up from Project Lazarus. Well, to be honest that was yet another commonality with Jack, always needing to use a ‘fuck’ in at least every other sentence and that had started way before she even met Anderson. 

Her hands glowed a different color, but only for a second. The biotic blue she couldn’t help always noticing on Jack and Miranda, Jacob and Samara... a glow that she had shared with Kaidan for far too short a time. Fingers clutched hard at the metal of the sink she had been washing her hands and arms at. Washing away the blood. Mercenary blood, retribution for trying to screw her over on a deal of weapons. Pre-Lazarus it probably would have been Cerberus blood. And yet now... now she was working for Cerberus and wearing their colors instead of the Alliance blue with the red and white stripes. 

“Fuck!” she growled out. She punched the sink and watched it dimple slightly. She glared at the dent then looked up to stare at her reflection in the mirror. Glowing red eyes and red cracks stared back at her. She sneered before drying off her hands then exiting the bathroom. It still felt weird to have a private bathroom. Had felt weird even on the SR-1. 

It was only temporary. She was only with Cerberus until she finished the job she was brought back to do: save the galaxy from the Collectors. That was what she kept telling Ash, and Garrus, and Tali, and Liara. It was only temporary. Ash... who had the same thoughts on Cerberus that Shane did after learning the truth about Akuze. Ash, who seemed half-convinced that Shane was actually a doppelganger. Shane couldn’t blame her, though. She probably would think the same if things were reversed. But nothing would convince Shane to stick with Cerberus. 

She checked her messages and glowered at the list of emails that were half spam and half messages asking if she was _the_ Commander Shepard and if so would she please help them in their time of need? As if she didn’t have enough to do. And still no response from Admiral Anderson. Anderson, the man who took her in as a kid and was the whole reason she was even an N7 and a Spectre beyond that. She was starting to worry he had the same disdain that many others did for the fact she was wearing Cerberus colors and thus would not be answering her messages. It was one of the few things to make her feel something besides sheer anger. She was doing her best not to feel frantic with each passing day she heard nothing from Anderson. He had to understand... he did understand, didn’t he? Maybe he was just as busy as Shane was. 

She was about to disengage her omni-tool to try to get some sleep (when had she last slept?) when she got a notification of a new message. She rushed to refresh her messages, frantic for a different reason. But it wasn’t from Anderson. It was... Ash...

_Shepard-_

_I’m sorry for what I said back on Horizon. When I lost you two years ago, it tore me up. I prayed for you every day. I read a lot of Tennyson, thinking about you, just like I did when my dad passed. And then you came back, and it was like my prayers were answered. But I’m not who I was then, and neither are you._

_I don’t know what’s true anymore. Part of me can’t believe it’s really you._

_I wouldn’t have expected you to work for Cerberus, but I know why they sent you to Horizon. I saw how many people were lost there, and if anyone can stop the Collectors, you can. I can’t go where you’re going, but I can wish you luck._

_Just stay alive out there… Skipper. I don’t know what the future holds, but I can’t lose you a second time._

For the first time in a long time, Shane felt herself relax and even start to smile a little. Ash was talking to her again. Ash had decided it was really Shane! It took everything Shane had not to write a letter back that was simply ‘Thank you. I love you.’ in a giant font. 

Instead she closed out of her messages but went back only a couple seconds later. Just to be sure she had really gotten it. She wanted to reply so bad, but realized she didn’t totally know what she wanted to say. She would have to think on it. Just having Ash sending her a message was enough to relax her enough to actually want to sleep. Maybe in the morning she would have something to send back. Until then...

“EDI, remind me to send a message to Ash tomorrow,” Shane said, knowing EDI was always waiting to be called upon. 

“Of course, Commander Shepard,” EDI said. 

After a few minutes of pleasant thoughts, she held her right hand up to stare at the glowing red cracks there. She concentrated and watched as the biotic blue appeared, flickered weakly, then disappeared abruptly. Her brows furrowed. She had thought maybe it was emotion-based, that maybe anger didn’t do it anymore only happiness. Well, it was worth a shot. She would still go to sleep quite a bit less stressed than before. Despite her upbringing saying otherwise, she was _not_ just a biotic. She didn’t need biotics to save the galaxy (again). 

Almost smiling, she drifted to sleep. Maybe Anderson would be next to send a message. She could only hope.


End file.
